Witch's Best Friend
Holiday! Celebrate!
The December calendar is chock full of Big Important Holidays, but the biggest day is of course December 20th, or International Mila Day. My beloved dog turns ten years old today, and we’re celebrating in extremely normal ways like making horror cakes out of SPAM and Vienna Sausages.
And etsy, of course, is full of people who will sell you fancy dog treats and artisanal leashes and little doggie bowties, which seems like a natural way to celebrate! Except that I don’t wanna, I would much rather show you much more useless things like antique statues of dogs riding skateboards. So get ready for a whole bunch of dog-themed nonsense interspersed with a whole bunch of pictures of my perfect dog. And rest assured that if I DID write an issue of actually usable things for your dog or dogs you love, it would definitely include this dog-sized KISS jacket.
One word of warning to anyone who strikes out on their own in the search for vintage dog nonsense - those searches are full of many horrors. And I know that some of you want to see those horror dogs, and some of you absolutely would rather not. So I’m going to put them ALL RIGHT HERE in this paragraph for those of you who choose this journey, and will try to keep the creepiness level moderate elsewhere. HERE BE MONSTERS. If you’ve ever wanted to be in a coven made up of only one breed of dog, lucky you these candles holders are available for several breeds! There is of course plenty of dog art that belongs in the Museum of Bad Art, and today I submit Muffin. Prefer statuary? I present to you Big Eyes, Big Eyebrows, and Big I Don’t Even Know Where To Begin. Or Small But Murdery! Brooches are a great area for dog horrors - try a poodle, a Scottie, a rare Cthulhu Scottie, a Collie, a weirdly anatomically correct Boxer, or a pair of whippets sent by the devil himself. If you’d rather BE a horror dog than wear one, we can do that! And finally, please please please love yourself and do not click here.
Ok! I got that out of my system! On to the stuff that is mostly still pretty goofy but probably won’t give anybody nightmares. Most likely you’ve already got your shrine of Dog Art hanging on your wall, but just in case you need to add to it we have a few options. These little Mischief Twins remind me of a few dogs I know. I love some great Art Deco advertising, and this bicycle ad featuring a lady and a greyhound has got what I want. A print of a Leonberger next to a Chihuahua will show you the wide and glorious range of Dogkind, or really catch ‘em all with this Dog Show Sketch. For something modern, this print of a dog and cat in a window brings the color and the charm. And lastly, but very much not leastly, a true piece of fine art: seven embroidered dog breeds wearing cowboy hats. You’re welcome. There’s also a pretty delightful variety of old cabinet card portraits of people with their beloved pets if you’d like to start a wee collection.
Want to wear your dog love on your sleeve? This adorable copper dachshund brooch will let you do just that, as will this greyhound on the move. One of my favorite dog clothing-and-jewelry motifs is the Fashion Lady walking her Fashion Dog (almost always a borzoi or an afghan hound, because fashion things can obviously only ever be tall and willowy, sorry basset hounds), and today we’ve got options in brooch or blouse. (And if anyone finds a Cool Fat Fashion Lady walking her Cool Short Fashion Bassett Hound I am obviously ALL IN.) In a weird twist, this fashion poodle is walking another fashion poodle. In a weirder twist, these three Scotties are rowing a small boat and carrying an umbrella. Anything can happen in the world of the dog brooch! The world of dog clothing is also a wonderful place, where your skirt can be covered in baskets of puppies, your sweater vest dance with collared pups, your dress with horses and hounds, or your sweater can sparkle with a whole crew of Scotties.
My favorite weird dog things are the ones that are, at least nominally, useful items. They just also look like a dog, which is its own use in a different and maybe better way! We all have to have a way to store our salt and pepper and get it into our food. Why not with some hilariously long Suess-ian dogs, or the stately heads of a pair of setters, or a dachshund that splits in the middle? And why stop there - pour your cream with a collie, a St. Bernard, or a dachshund doing a little good dog trick? Open your wine with a sweet twisty tail, and protect your coffee table from it with a Scottie embroidery! Better keep that butter covered, and these ruffians will be on the watch. And when it’s time to call everyone in to dinner, let the setter ring!
Now that our kitchens are completely full of dog, time to infect the rest of the home. I can think of no better way to display a picture of your dog than being held in the mouth of another dog. Flawless. Didn’t find a plant holder that was to your liking in our last issue? This weird mint green Mt. Rushmore of Scottie dogs will hold your plant with pride! Keep a soft glow with this slightly alarmed ceramic nightlight. And sweep away the piles of dog hair with the only whisk brush you’ll ever need.
Enjoy the end of your International Mila Day. I’m sure you’re all exhausted from the traditional celebrations: eating piles of raw meats, shoving your nose as close as you can to extremely bad smells, and enjoying a never-ending game of fetch with something that was perhaps once a tennis ball.
With love from The Witch House,
Laura